Tag Archives: Vanessa Lake Bohns

Ask for What You Want: You Have More Influence Than You Think

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Most people underestimate the likelihood that requests for help will be granted, particularly after previous refusals, according to Stanford’s Daniel Newark and Francis Flynn with Vanessa Lake Bohns, then of University of Waterloo.

Francis Flynn

Contrary to this expectation, most people agree to a subsequent request, possibly to reduce discomfort of rejecting others’ overtures for help.

Vanessa Bohns
Vanessa Bohns

In a study, participants estimated they would need to ask 10 people to get three people who would agree to lend their mobile phones for brief calls.

In fact, volunteers asked substantially fewer people for this favour, an average of six people.
The team concluded that most people hold a pessimistic bias about the likelihood that others will provide assistance.

In another study, volunteers requested two favours from people they did not know: 

1. Complete a brief survey,
2. Take a letter to a nearby post office.

Help seekers predicted that people who refused the first request to complete the survey would be less likely to take the letter to the post office.

In contrast, more people agreed to the second request than to the first request.
Requesters tended to “anchor” on the first refusal, and hesitated to make a second request.
This finding suggests that requesters have a greater chance of agreement after initial refusal, so it’s advisable to persist.

The researchers concluded that help-seekers and potential helpers analysed requests according to different criteria.

Help-seekers typically considered the magnitude of the “ask,” whereas potential helpers considered the inconvenience costs of saying “yes” compared with the interpersonal and self-image costs of saying “no.”

This underestimation bias may be reduced by:

  • Comparing actual degree of personal influence compared to perceived influence,
  • Considering the means of influence, including incentives, suggestions, reinforcements, punishments,
  • Invoking organizational culture. 

These findings suggest the benefit of asking for what you want and that you have more influence over others than you expect.

-*How do you assess your likelihood of getting what you want when you ask?

-*How likely are others to influence you by evoking social discomfort to increase your compliance?

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©Kathryn Welds